As any colossally awesome mom knows, there is an illogical amount of entertainment provided by skulking, at stealthy ninja volumes, just outside a locked bathroom door while on the flip side of that door sits your completely relaxed and unsuspecting 10-year-old. Though I’m certain a sudden solid slap on the door at about 3 minutes in would be fairly effective in achieving the desired result, I tend toward the visual and am willing to exercise patience (which, as a general rule, I carefully ration) so that I may indulge in the illustrated fruits of my labor. So I wait. Bated breath, adrenaline rising as the sequence of aural cues loudly herald the impending moment when the door knob clicks to unlock. Patience…just a bit longer… premature action will only give rise to a brief awkward exchange (making it super creepy that mom was lurking by the bathroom door).
Timing. Is. Key.
Tension rises, hunter instincts take over as the knob slowly turns, the door pulled open by an unwitting oblivious boy. Before recognition takes hold, I pounce with a fierce ROAR! Behold… my efforts have today borne fruit… his heart launches, like a rocket, into his throat, shoving out a girlish shriek on it’s way up, rising with such force he’s momentarily lifted off his feet, but then, somehow simultaneously, the fleeing heart plummets to the pit of his stomach (his subconscious utterly grateful that he is in post void condition) before bouncing safely back up into place… all within a split second. Munus Explendum! (Or “Mission Accomplished” if you prefer …but the precise process here is nearly an art form so likely deserves a little Latin)
(NOTE: Role reversed skulking not recommended… colossally awesome daughters should NOT creep up on napping dads, but that’s a painful story for another day)
Then, of course, I help my boy pick up the composure he spilled all over the floor and we laugh and hug and all is right with the world…
Nonsense makes the heart grow fonder.